BRISTOL BAY BLUES

My Kindle. My Kindle

A good friend convinced Bob (I've changed his name to protect this little weasel) to buy his wife a Mac Book for the holidays a few years back. It was a resounding success. Bob, feeling the pressure to add to his wife's joy again asked that same good friend to help him select an electronic reader for his wife's birthday.

"Please take me to the Mall to the Sony Store to buy a reader for my wife", He begged.

"Why the mall" the friend asked. "The Sony Reader will not work with a Mac Book and the Kindle is a new and much improved model. She will love it. Trust me. I have never steered you or your wife wrong", The friend stated with extreme confidence.

"No The Sony reader will do", Bob demanded.

Bob's gift was not a success. Try as she could Bob's wife could not get the Sony reader to work with the Mac Book.

With the friend's complete lack of knowledge of what had transpired, Bob returned the gift and pocketed the money he had spent, probably regretting purchasing the Mac Book in the first place, and decided to cut his losses. Bob had blamed the whole disaster on his good friend.

Several weeks later the friend received his new Kindle in the mail. The friend called Bob to let him know the joy and excitement he was having with his new Kindle book reader.

"How is your wife enjoying her Sony Reader?", the friend asked.

"She hated it and demanded I take it back", Bob replied.

Then you really need to get the Kindle for your wife. It will be a wonderful gift for her", the friend exclaimed.

"No that won't be necessary" Bob lashed back at his friend. "My wife has decided to sell her Mac Book".

"But why", the friend asked in complete bewilderment. "She loved it so".

"You have turned her off the all technology", Bob stated with a smirk on his face. "You, and you alone, must take responsibility for her decision. I gave her two wonderful gifts, two very expensive gifts, I might add." I did my best to convince her to keep the computer and not blame you. I had nothing to do with her decision. My hands are clean and my wallet is flush again", he beamed with utter delight.

"Perhaps the next time I need to get her a gift, I can get her an electric, chip and dip machine. I have a great recipe I can give her. Actually, I believe you have a new machine yourself. You should give it to me to give to her. It's the least you can do for all the aggravation you caused us".

That was the last time I saw Bob. I understand his tongue was run over by a broken down Honda Accord a few weeks later. I purchased a Kindle as a gift her his grieving wife.
It was the least I could do.

May He Rest In Peace

 

Ed White
In Memoriam
1951-2009
Scholar, Athlete, Friend to Heckle, Historian
Donations accepted. Forget the Flowers

Then & Now

Its been awhile since the last blog. I know you are all anxious to see and hear what new trials and tribulations have inflicted the members of the table. First a small photo tribute to some of our members.

Guess who they are.

Do You Know Who We Are?

The famous person is below our photos. Who are we?

Enforcing The Three Table Rule

As the terms of a treaty to bring the Table back together were bring hammered out, Karl Karlson was not optimistic that a peace treaty could or should be worked out.

Member Fred Trout, out a a sole sense of fair play and concern for all parties, was preaching for good will and kindness to all and an end to hostilities. Trout was the original proponent of the three table rule and insisted that any opportunity to bring harmony back to the Table should be considered.

Out of a deep concern, Frank Marshall sacrificed an opportunity to have his tooth repaired to help in the talks. He was seen wandering around town carrying a tooth in a plastic bag.

Talks will continue later in the week after Karlson returns from a trip.

Yes Virginia, There Is A Heaven

"Old blue eyes" knew it well.

We found it late. Better late then never.

Coming home from being in heaven will be like getting the bends. Too fast an adjustment.
Better slow and easy.

 It's time again for the $16.00 hamburger.

If You Shake It, It Will Spill!

Here is an experiment for you:
1. Fill a cup of Coffee to the very top of a cup.
2. Place it on a table, any table.

.
3. Shake the table like a VILDA-CHIA

What are the results.
1. People get seasick
2. John McCain wins the presidency
3. The coffee spills
4. None of the above

if Karl Karlson ate at a table (Any Table) and had coffee what would the answer be .
Thank You

Long Is Good. Round is Better

Do You Know Me?

In a Land Of Eternal Bananas

The Sun was brilliant this fine Sunday morning. It was warm with a mild wind blowing from the southeast. The Table members had gathered at the deli at the request of New Member David Morgan to pay homage and to mourn poor Bingo.

Bingo's mutilated body had been taken from the golf course by members Willy White and Henry Rule and brought directly to Lenny Gould's funeral home. Gould had promised to pay for Bingo's Funeral and had generously offered a 10% discount to any member who passed on during Bingo's funeral.

The tiny coffins containing Bingo's various body part were placed just to the right of where the Table usually sits and just opposite the Schvitzers table. They were surrounded by bouquets of flowers. The coffins were a gift from David Morgan.

Willy White was to perform the eulogy but had gotten a call earlier in the morning to play a free round of golf and had immediately called to tell the members he would not be available. There was a great sense of relief as the members were anxious to move this funeral along and White's speech would go on forever as was his custom whenever he spoke.

Member Karl Karlson asked the group to take their seats to begin the funeral mass. Henry Rule was asked to speak first. Henry dressed in his best bowling shirt and Crocs refused the invitation stating; " Bingo was a Putz with a small Putz. I cannot respect him. His contribution to humor is of no consequence to me. Where is the humor? it's the same conversation time and time again. I don't understand why everyone else laughs at his antics".

Frank Marshall was the next to be invited to speak. "NO" he cried out. "I have nothing to say".

"Would anyone like to say something" asked Karlson of the group. Member Nathan Tarmac had raised his hand and stood to speak. Tarmac stated that he was concerned that the amount of daylight would not be sufficient to have a long funeral and asked if we could move things along. He respectfully declined to speak on behalf of Bingo.

Fred Trout, the voice of reason and sensibility stood and walked to the front of the group. "Bingo caused the Table great stress and pain. I will miss him".

Karlson was now frustrated and hungry and wanted to end the meeting so the members could enjoy their normal breakfast. Suddenly, from the back of the room, too small to be noticed at first, stood Helga Braun screeming. "He is mine. No one else can have him". Braun had originally purchased Bingo and wanted him back at all costs.

Running with husband Tony Caverilli to where the tiny coffins were on display, she placed them into a large bag and left the deli. Tony realizing he would have to again see the Schvitzers and without his personal clown to entertain him had no further use for the table and reluctantly exited the building with Braun.

By this time the remaining members had settled into their normal routine. Frank Marshall passed his remaining bacon around the table. Karlson was commenting on Trout's lost weight and Sean Richardson was taking notes on new movies Tarmac and Rule had recently seen. Gary Glen entered with his USA Today under his arm and Murray Lee had just meandered into the room. Both unaware there was a funeral for Bingo.

Life at the Table was back to normal.